sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Randomize
