That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
