yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
