she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
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