I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
