is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
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