I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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