not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Randomize
