dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
