i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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