what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
