Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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