Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Randomize
