I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
