and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
