he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Randomize
