2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
When did angry sex become our thing?
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
Congratulations! We have a period
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
