The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
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