so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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