Walk of Shame. In a state park.
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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