I love black thongs
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
