I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
soo... how was my night?
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
