nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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