we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Randomize
