i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
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