I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
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