Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
