Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
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