So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
