She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Randomize
