I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
