Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Randomize
