So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
i want to swaddle you in tequila
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
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