I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Randomize
