u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Randomize
