So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
