K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
I didn't notice because vodka
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Randomize
