I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
Randomize
