We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
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