I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
