I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
