Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Couch. On fire.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Randomize
