and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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