Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
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