Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
