the day after is always just damage control
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Randomize
