its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
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