heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
This baby is an asshole
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
Randomize
