hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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