We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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